It’s about time I talk about how motherhood is going! I am now 2 months post-partum and I’m feeling pretty good! Most days I still feel like I could use more sleep and I’ll take a nap sometime during the day while Daisy is sleeping. I know everyone says, “sleep when the baby sleeps” and I really do try but it’s not always easy to do. Usually I can’t sit still and I’m always doing something whether it’s doing house chores or de-cluttering stuff. One thing I have learned so far in the early weeks of motherhood is to slow down, focus on meeting baby’s needs, ask for help to do other things or delegate tasks. If I start worrying about things like the laundry, I’ll burn myself out faster which renders me tired, impatient and frustrated while taking care of baby.
1st week: Mostly a blur. I was in the hospital for 3 days and I took that time to rest- a lot! Dustin changed all the diapers and I just sat in bed and breastfed. When we went home it was about the same- me resting in bed and breastfeeding most of the time. I didn’t do anything else other than that and walk to and from the bathroom or kitchen. I think the first 3 or 4 nights after being sent home from the hospital were the hardest! This was when Daisy would cluster feed after midnight for a couple of hours and we had to find a balance of taking turns getting rest before this time of the night.
During the first night home, there was one time where I slept for so long while my mom held Daisy. I woke up and looked at the clock and I must have slept for 4-5 hours. Immediately, I feel a wave of guilt rush over me. I felt so bad because I knew I had to feed her every 2-3 hours; she must have been starving and crying so much! I was so upset because no one woke me up but Daisy was fine, she wasn’t crying and she was pretty content with her soother. My mom wanted to let me sleep. As much as I felt guilty and upset about it, I felt somewhat well rested and it helped me deal with our 2nd day home.
I was also taking pain medications every 6 hours because of my incision. It hurt the most when I coughed, sneezed or laughed. I told everyone not to make me laugh and I even asked Dustin not to put on any funny movies for a while!
2nd week: Things were getting a little bit better. I was starting to walk more around the house. I even did Daisy’s laundry for the first time. Thank goodness my mom was around to do Daisy’s laundry up until then. I had gone out of the house a couple of times by this time. At first I couldn’t even imagine going out on my own or even with Daisy. I just wanted to stay in doors and in bed all the time. By the end of the second week I had to get out to get some fresh air and stretch my legs. I stopped taking pain medication by the end of the week as I got out and moved more but it still hurt to cough or sneeze.
Daisy was still feeding lots at this time. She was waking up to feed almost every 2-3 hours. At night, the most sleep I got was 3 hours and I would take a nap during the day for 2 hours while Daisy was asleep or being held by someone.
3rd week: FINALLY GOT 4 HOURS OF SLEEP! It felt so good! By now Daisy was sleeping for at least 3-4 hours every night. I was able to do everything again. I was doing laundry, washing dishes, and I even vacuumed! Daisy and I were also going out for more walks and I also started driving while being careful and mindful of my incision.
4th week: Dustin had 3 weeks off at work so he went back when I was 4 weeks post-partum. I was so lucky to have him around for that much time. It was more than the perfect amount of time to help us get settled at home. My mom also took some time off to help and she went back to work this week too. I wasn’t completely alone to take care of Daisy; Dustin’s mom was around to help. I feel incredibly blessed to have family around to help me with the transition to motherhood. It does take a village and I don’t how I could have done it without them!
By now I felt like I got the hang of things. I felt like I adjusted to catering to Daisy’s needs and sleeping. I caught up on sleep whenever I can but I still never felt fully rested. So far it kind of feels like shift work at the hospital except with less sleep and more fatigue. Thank goodness I’m not working and doing any important decision making regarding anyone’s life. To be honest I noticed I’m just a bit more forgetful or can’t pay attention in conversation for too long. It also feels like I’m in a bit of a haze. Like that feeling you get when you’re woken up from a sleep in the middle of an REM cycle.
6th week: Fast forward to the 6th week because the 5th week was more or less the same as the 4th. FINALLY GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP! That felt amazing! I know it’s not ideal but that’s how much sleep I get on average. I get 6 at most and it’s rare for me to sleep for 7 hours.
By now I have been out of the house several times to go to the mall or to the grocery store. I have been out of the house by myself for 1-3 hours while Daisy is with Dustin and a bottle of pumped milk. It felt good to be out and and doing stuff on my own again but I can’t help but think of Daisy. I just wanted to be with her and I kept worrying that she’ll run out of milk to drink and would just start crying. When I get home she’s always doing just fine. It’s like she didn’t even know I was gone!
8th week: Here we are! The most I’ve slept is still 5 hours which gives me enough energy to be doing a bunch of things at home during the day. What tires me out the most is when we go out. I think it’s pretty exhausting to go out but some days I feel restless and caged up at home, especially when we haven’t gone out for a week. It takes a lot of effort and maybe Im just not doing it efficiently.
Daisy is back to feeding every 2- 3 hours and sleeping 3-4 hours a night. Every other night she will sleep for 5 hours. Still waiting for the 6 hour stretch! As I feel more and more comfortable with motherhood, I’m learning to do more self care. It could be as simple as having a bubble bath or as big as going out for a massage or shopping for myself. Sometimes having a long shower, putting on fresh, clean clothes that aren’t stained with milk, and even putting on a bit of blush makes a big difference in my mental state. It really is important to practice self-care- happy momma, happy baby! Am I right?
All in all, motherhood has been wonderful so far. Daisy has been a really good baby and doesn’t even cry that much! When she does cry, she’s pretty easy to soothe. We kind of just go down the list: feed, change, burp, relieve gas, soothe with a soother or rock/cradle. It’s so easy to forget how tired and sleep deprived I am when I look at Daisy’s face and she’s sleeping peacefully with a smile on her face. In the last couple of weeks she has been more awake and has been playing and interacting with us and her surroundings more. She drives us wild! Each day she does something new and exciting I feel like our hearts get bigger with love.
Sorry but I have to say it. It’s true that you never know what love is until you have your first child. We didn’t know that our hearts could handle so much more love. In all my 28 years of life, I’ve never felt anything quite like it. Sometimes it makes me wonder why we didn’t do this sooner but Daisy came into this world at just the perfect time in our lives and I wouldn’t change a thing.